The last collection I launched in 2021 was in October. It didn't sell as fast as I thought it would which lead me down a rabbit hole of "not-good-enough-everyone-else-sells-out" for many months. Top that with some classic PTSD from birthing twins and throw in some burnout and you have the right sort of self deprecating cocktail to go out and look for a corporate job. And well, that's just what I did. I've update my Linkedin, updated my CV, and have been job hunting for two months. If you ask a creative how many times they have sunken so deep as to do this, I'm sure they will tell you that it has been more than once. Plenty in-fact.
But the simple truth of it is doing this full time is fucking hard. There is nothing easy about working around the clock; having to manage and think about every single aspect of your business. Not to mention raising a family while still trying to remain sane and heal from what was the hardest year of your life.
But still, through it all there has been an urge to create something beautiful. There has always been that burn inside of me even if the flame has become a teeeeeeny glint, it has remained. The thing that seems to keep my anxiety at arms length while I wade through the never ending tasks that adulthood has brought. Creating beautiful things.
I have returned to Poetry, Podcasts mainly, and honouring the slow process of layering my oil paint one stroke at a time. Through what has been an extremely tumultuous few months of business owning and creating, I somewhat feel as though I have come out the other side. Very much scathed, but I think I am out. And so, THIRTY, FLIRTY and THRIVING came out of me, somehow. Honestly I am not quite sure how but it is here. There were times when I really had to push through the urge to not create, it wasn't easy. After the uncomfortable I-don't-think-I-can-do-this-again roller coaster there was still such a strong part of my being that knew this space, that belonged and that continued to create something beautiful. A gift I will never take for granted.
“The human soul is hungry for beauty; we seek it everywhere – in landscape, music, art, clothes, furniture, gardening, companionship, love, religion and in ourselves. No-one would desire not to be beautiful. When we experience the Beautiful, there is a sense of homecoming. Some of our most wonderful memories are of beautiful places where we felt immediately at home. We feel most alive in the presence of the Beautiful for it meets the needs of our soul.”