I was recently listening to a podcast about “post regret”, how after posting on social media you might, after the fact, look back and wonder to yourself, “how did I even think that was appropriate?”. Anyone who goes onto Facebook and sees a memory from 2012 will know what I am talking about.
But recently I have felt post regret for something that quite literally just happened. I got a job ,changed my LinkedIn profile, only to now be changing it back three months later. How embarrassing.
I decided to seek full-time employment after an incredibly destabilising year. I thought that doing this would allow me to create without the pressure of earning money from it. It was, on paper, the perfect job that fitted appropriately with my skillset.
Firstly, the salary was not enough to cover my bills as a mother of three. It was amazing to have that bit of money in my account each month but like many of us, I was still having to try and sell my work on the side to make ends meet. Life is expensive. Cape Town is very expensive.
I would leave the house at 8am and be home just in time for dinner by 5:30. In the evenings, after much fighting, the kids would surrender around 9pm to sleep . It would only be then that I would attempt to go into my studio and make work. Make good work. It is impossible to make good work as an artist if you are working a full-time job. It took me ten years and three months to realise this fully.
I did 5am wake-ups, my weeks mapped out perfectly with ChatGPT. The plan, according to a robot, was perfect. But my insomnia was at an all-time high and I was depleted. I was not seeing my family and I was not able to successfully pay my bills despite giving someone the majority of my time.
After working for myself for over a decade, I voluntarily signed up for a position that kept me locked in from 8:30-5pm every day. I could not believe how lucky I got. A full-time job, what a scarce commodity. Until I had to balance it all and I fell back down again.
It is in these moments that we realise how incredibly tough we are. I thought back to the Amy ten years ago, who found out she was pregnant and started a business from scratch. I get post regret sometimes when I think about those days; but what I am beginning to feel more now is deep gratitude for that person I was ten years ago; a truly unstoppable little force.
This year of the (fire) Horse, I am bringing more of her back. I will be speaking more online about the little things that I do (Queue the post regret), sharing my offerings more openly and most importantly, creating work consistently again. I am also seeking part time work in Artist Support, Social Media Management and short term contract projects; jobs that allow me flexibility with my family and where I am able to still work from home and from my studio. You can check out my previous work from last year on my instagram page AA Studios @aastudios_____.
I am looking forward to 2026 and what it has in store for me xo AA
